A Summer Day's Conversation
🐰: But you know what I realized while talking to you back then? It's like that saying, "If you think it, you should do it." Right?
🍎: Yeah.
🐰: That really blows my mind. Some people think that just thinking something counts as 'doing' it…
🍎: Really?
🐰: Ah… So it's like, "I thought about it." You thought about it, and that means you'll do it someday. It seems like a lot of people just endlessly postpone things like that, or just toss them aside indefinitely, and I'm like that too… But I feel like if you thought about it, you should do it right away. It feels like completing a cycle. So if you don't do it… I think you haven't done it.
🍎: You didn't do it.
🐰: Well, that's the fact… But like you said, there needs to be some appropriate time, so maybe now is just the preparation stage.
🍎: Yeah, that makes sense. If you think about it, you have to do it. I've done everything I thought about. So whether it turned out well or not, I did it all.
> What did you originally want to do?
🐰 : So you originally wanted to do this?
🍎 : Originally. If you mean before I joined the company?
🐰 : Yeah, this is your first company.
🍎 : If you mean originally… what I originally wanted to do… honestly, what I really, really, really wanted to do was 'change the world with technology'. That was what I wanted most back then.
🐰 : When was that?
🍎 : Back in high school. That's why I went to computer science in college. So I thought that if you learn technology, somehow… Back then, I believed that no matter how much you talk or see things, people don't change unless they experience it themselves.
But back then, when IT stuff was just starting to boom, I thought maybe we could change people's minds through things like computer-made products or apps. That's why I went into computer science. But when I actually started studying at school, they didn't teach that stuff. They didn't teach anything about changing the world in computer science. It was just boring every day, and I felt a bit down back then. And at the time, it might have been partly due to my own environment, but I also had some inferiority complex. It was a male-dominated department, and it was engineering, after all. Back then, seniors would say that female students couldn't survive in the department unless they dated a boyfriend, a male classmate, or a male senior to get help with assignments.
🐰 : Did they actually say such trash talk?
🍎 : Yeah, I heard that. And they'd say that the girls who couldn't survive would either switch majors or just disappear. I heard that kind of thing a lot. But actually, regardless of that, the top student in our department was a girl—my best friend. She was number one… So it's really ridiculous, totally outdated talk… Back then, I didn't even want to study computers. Hearing all that stuff made me think maybe I just couldn't do it because I'm a girl. I kind of had those thoughts back then. So I used that as an excuse to do other things I wanted to do instead. Studying philosophy and stuff like that was way more fun. I did a lot of that and went around doing it. So I joined philosophy study groups and double-majored in philosophy. Then I worked as an activist in a village community and interned at a social enterprise. What I really wanted to do back then was 'change the world through technology'—that was my top priority.
> What is growth?
🐰 : So do you feel like you're growing?
🍎 : I don't really feel it… I don't really feel it happening… Maybe a little bit here and there, but now I'm not even sure what growth means. And what does growth even lead to? Becoming a team leader? I don't really want that. I just don't really think about growth at all. Personally or professionally, I just don't think about growth itself much… That's how it feels. I just keep thinking about how I want to live my life. Even at work, it's less about "if I do this, my career will advance" and more like "I have to do this now." Because I'm in charge of this project. Because I have to make and send this proposal by tomorrow. That's what it is. Long-term growth and stuff like that… I don't know.
🍎 : What is growth?
🐰 : I don't mean I have to do it, I was just curious.
🍎 : I don't really feel it. I don't really feel like I'm growing.
🍑 : How about that? Youngest director. Business suit on, profile shot, all over the papers.
🍎 : Not interested at all.
🍑 : Then you should quit the company soon. Old-school employees cared about that stuff, worked really hard, and stuck with the company. If you don't want that kind of life…
> Can you keep catching the same monster forever?…
🍑 : So, even if it's not college, learning any discipline has stages, right? There are always new levels. The more you learn, the more you can keep growing. I think it has infinite growth potential. But companies don't have that infinite growth potential. They say even the distinction between first-year, second-year, and third-year employees has lost meaning… Hearing that just makes me think. I'm in my fifth year now, and I feel exactly the same as I did in my second year. The work I did in my third year, I did again in my fourth year, and now I'm doing the same work as my fifth year.
🍎 : When you feel like it's exactly the same, don't you really want to quit? I felt that way yesterday. They asked me to start a new project yesterday, so I was doing research and stuff… But this is exactly the same as what I did three years ago at this exact time after joining the company. Sure, it's a little different, but what's different? It's the same. That thought just hit me suddenly. So, can I really stay here any longer? I kinda had that thought. If next year I'm still doing the same research, making the same things… I wonder if I can keep going like this.
🍑 : It's when you find those little points where you feel like you've grown a bit, that slight sense of accomplishment. It's like… feeling that sense of achievement, so I ended up sticking around the company a bit longer.
🍎 : Feels like life extension.
🐰 : Yeah, but so what's the latest HR trend? Well, not really a trend, but one of the HR how-tos is that managers should keep assigning this person tasks that are slightly more challenging, and give them roles that match what they're good at. They say that's one of the things managers need to keep doing. So, some teams are starting to realize how important this is.
🍎 : But even knowing that, realistically, it seems hard to manage that too. My director said something similar to me recently. He mentioned that lately, when I ask him about things, it feels like I'm not motivated, and that's a problem. He asked why that is. He said I should be more motivated, so why isn't that happening? He said he needs to think about that too. He says that, but he's not just focused on me, right? He has so many things to manage. So, yeah, he says that, but… it doesn't mean he's actually looking out for me or anything. I just have to do it myself. Do I really need to do that here?
🐰 : Yeah, that's true. Why bother here? Because it takes energy. Why bother here?
🍑 : Like in MapleStory, if you keep hunting the same monsters over and over, it gets boring, right? You need to hunt stronger monsters based on your level, do more fun quests, tackle harder ones… That's how you keep playing the game long-term.
🍎 : Exactly.
🍑: Of course, life isn't a game. But if there's absolutely nothing like that and you have to hunt the same monsters forever…
🍎: If there are no content updates, you quit the game.
🐰: Yeah, time to bail. Let's move on to the next stage.