Lulu Miller - Why Fish Don't Exist
- How I found it: A member recommended it as the February book for our reading group, so I read it.
- How I got it: I bought the e-book on Aladin and read it on my iPad.
- Reading period: February 15, 2022 ~ February 19, 2022
I found the courage to dive into the sea
I think I had moments like that too. When my life felt bleak and hazy, I tried to find traces of someone else's life and follow in their footsteps. Then one day, in a single moment, I realized that what could rescue my life from this chaos wasn't another person's traces. Only I could pull my life back up. And then another day, in another moment, a day of reversal arrives. The truth hidden within those traces I had frantically searched for. The false desires or twisted sincerity lurking beneath. That discovery might be a trace I could never follow or acknowledge.
The author of this book, Lulu Miller, was the same. "When I was shaken by the chaos that came upon me, when I had wrecked my own life with my own hands and was trying to piece the wreckage back together," (p. 18) she searched for the traces of the life of taxonomist David. She hoped to find within his life "the secret to holding onto hope in a world where no promises exist, the secret to moving forward even on the darkest days, the secret to having faith without belief" (p. 66). On the path to finding that secret, the author discovers an unexpected truth. She illuminates a twisted world hidden beneath the surface. And ultimately, she saves not only her own life, but others as well. Readers of this book, Anna and Mary, and perhaps even the spirits of countless victims.
> "What else might we not yet know about this world?" (p. 263)
People who acted as if they knew everything, who behaved as if the order of the entire world lay beneath their feet, passed by. As if they could do anything they set their minds to. Grit, positive illusions, and a healthy mindset. With those, they could accomplish anything. And let's not think about anything more complicated than that. Perhaps "this country is programming our children to ignore reality when it's convenient, and to whisper any words to themselves that are necessary to keep moving forward" (p. 147).
I wish for a world filled not with self-deception and positive illusions, but with the mindset that "we have been wrong before, and we will be wrong again" (p. 250). "The longer we examine the world, the stranger it reveals itself to be" (p. 263). I wish there were no more manipulating the world "to hide its complexity, to keep living comfortably, to feel we are far more distant from them than we actually are" (p. 251).
I have found courage. The courage to break free from categories. The courage to kick away the ladder someone built, not struggle to climb it, and dive headfirst into my own ocean. I have come to believe that "far better things await beyond the tunnel vision of chasing only one goal" (p. 267). If the author asked me, "What would happen if you gave up the fish?" (p. 248), I would answer this: I gained the courage to dive into the sea where my friends are. It makes me think about the small yet profound impact a single book can have. It was a book I wanted to revisit for a long time.
