[Finding the Shape of My Place] #3. Having No Plan Is the Plan
I can't build a chatbot. After Afyu ended, the first application I submitted was for a productivity developer position at Slowork. Buoyed by the confidence I gained from somehow managing to build a website at Afyu, I thought, "Maybe I can be a developer?" I diligently prepared my resume and portfolio, submitted them, passed the screening, and received an assignment. It was to build a fine dust alert chatbot. The deadline seemed far off, and the task didn't look too hard, so I put it off, thinking it would be easy. I scribbled some ideas on paper, then tried coding, but the solution just wouldn't come. Finally, on the deadline day, I pulled an all-nighter at a 24-hour Hollys overlooking the school lake. I worked on the chatbot, cried, watched Dua Lipa videos. Finally, as dawn broke, I sent an email saying I couldn't solve the assignment and wouldn't be able to submit it. I went to a friend's house and managed to get some sleep. I wondered if developers really couldn't handle this. What should I do with my life? I was filled with worry.
The Allure of a UK Working Holiday
After failing the chatbot assignment, it was midterm exam period, so I spent my time frantically studying for exams. With my philosophy graduation thesis due at the end of the semester, deciding on a topic was also a painful process. Amidst all this, I learned about the UK Working Holiday program. My memories of Clear Village, a UK social enterprise I visited that January, were so positive, and combined with my fond memories of London and high confidence in my English at the time, the UK Working Holiday seemed like a sweet challenge. I was already feeling like getting a job as a developer was out of the question, so I started thinking, "Why not try working at a UK social enterprise?" My mind was filled with that idea. I spent over seven hours chatting with my sister, who had spent quite a long time on a Canadian Working Holiday, and we fleshed out the plan. At the time, I was also diligently preparing for an internship position as a Data Engineer at eBay Korea. I made a concrete plan: get accepted for the internship, earn some money, prepare during the second half of the year, and then go on the UK Working Holiday next year. I prepared for the internship, attended classes, and wrote my graduation thesis.
The Internship Rejection and the Sudden Trip to India
I didn't get the eBay Korea internship. All my plans fell apart. In a daze, I took the bus home and suddenly realized something. From the moment I entered university, I hadn't stopped running for even a single moment. Throughout my entire college life, I never had a single break without a pre-set schedule. Whether winter or summer, every vacation had plans already made, and I enjoyed my busy schedule. But now, the schedule for the summer break of my final semester—perhaps the most important one—was completely empty. No extracurriculars, no internships, nothing. In that extremely anxious state, strangely enough, I didn't want to do anything. I wondered, "Do I really have to do something?" I registered for a two-and-a-half-week French intensive course to fulfill my second foreign language requirement for graduation, but other than that, I did nothing. I thought I should get a part-time job to earn some money and started looking around for work. Then I saw a friend's Instagram post asking, "Anyone want to go to India?" I DM'd them without much thought. That's how I suddenly ended up on a three-week trip to India.
A Clear Head on the Flight Back to Korea
The India trip left me with many unforgettable, wonderful memories. It was filled with great people, landscapes I'd never seen before, and first-time experiences. The schedule was a bit grueling at times, but overall, it was happy and peaceful. Then, near the end of the trip, maybe because I let my guard down, I suffered from severe altitude sickness. I collapsed in the early morning, got rushed to the hospital, and the pain peaked at Delhi Airport. The distance from the duty-free shops to our flight gate was quite long, and I threw up in every single restroom I passed along the way. My face grew increasingly pale, and I boarded the plane just moments before collapsing. Fortunately, my condition gradually improved during the flight. Looking back, it's somewhat amusing, but I recovered steadily after eating the in-flight meal provided by Korean Air. Having struggled to eat properly in India and with my stomach completely empty from vomiting multiple times before boarding, I chewed each bite slowly and thoroughly. It tasted absolutely fantastic. It was the perfect bibimbap. As the plane headed for landing in Korea and the airport came into view, I felt my head clear. In that moment, one sentence kept circling in my mind: 'I need to get a job.'
Had I left all my worries behind in India's skies and seas? It felt like a lie, but I had completely forgotten about my UK working holiday. Only one thought lingered in my mind: 'I need to get a job and earn money.' Maybe it was because I'd spent almost all my savings on the India trip.
But getting a job wasn't something that just happened because you decided to… it wasn't that easy…