Roh Young-soo - The Entrepreneur's Visit
> What do you think makes us endure and bear the pain of being broken? Do you believe our revolution should be guided by some categorical imperative?
I ask myself: Is there anything left worth enduring and bearing the pain of being broken for? What is it we are all racing towards to achieve? Truthfully, I often feel a deep skepticism about living these days. I don't even know what that one thing was that I was supposed to hold onto until the end. Now, I have no idea what I should live for, what I should stake my life on. While living more shaken and unstable than ever before, I read about Noh Young-soo. What was it that he had to fight so hard and so fiercely for? The more his story unfolded, the more curious I became about that reason. Perhaps I wasn't truly interested in the reason itself. I became curious about what significance having such a reason holds in a person's life. His contemplation the day before climbing the tower crane was the reason why he had to do it. As I listened to his words, my face grew more and more grim. Then what have I been agonizing over? Why did I say I wanted to change society, and what exactly did I want to achieve in the society I changed? Does such a society I wish to achieve even exist? What have I been living for until now? Is it right to deny that being human is the most fundamental thing, that humans created everything? Wasn't that 'opposition for the sake of opposition' I so despised actually a denial of the humanism I had always preached? Talking about it, it seems to lead to a denial of myself. Let's go back. Still, I think, speak, and act as if I bear the weight of the entire world, as if nothing in this world could be resolved without me. I say I'd be fine dying tomorrow, yet I want to claim I lived well only if I changed even one small thing in the world. Do such things hold meaning? Does a revolution to change such a world even exist? I don't know anymore. Writing this short piece, I don't even know how many times I've said I don't know. My uncertain heart, my uncertain thoughts—they disgust me. Is it even possible to have certainty? As my life passes, won't I just end up as someone who changed nothing, improved nothing, and simply finished their life? I wonder if the ways I thought about things were just me speaking out of arrogance and self-absorption. What could I break myself for? Could I accept that as inevitable? So what did I truly want in the end? What does it mean for me, who can't convey a single genuine feeling, to express something and then make sure others recognize and accept that expression? I must find that. I need to think about it more. I must keep crashing into that bottom, the very bottom where the waves break, over and over, so that conclusion doesn't become a negation of myself.